Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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