i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
