He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
