nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
