We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
