if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
