32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
