and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
