I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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