I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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