Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
