Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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