i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
