last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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