Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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