I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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