There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
