My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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