morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
