bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
