things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
