so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
