dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
40s are totally the cure
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
