So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
