So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
