I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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