I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the day after is always just damage control
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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