today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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