You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
