so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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