Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
