Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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