I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
