this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dick very happy bro
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
