I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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