so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
