Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
