Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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