Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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