i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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