well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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