Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
