1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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