i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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