he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
