we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
