So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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