Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
