Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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