So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
