She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
